Realizations
by sallythedestroyerofworlds23
Summary: Kaien and Rukia have a talk. She discovers some things she hadn't been aware of before. Set before the Bleach storyline.


It all started with one, seemingly innocent question.

It was New Year's, and Seretei was celebrating like it was the end of the world. Drinks, games, fireworks, and more drinks. It was a fun time for everyone. Maybe not the healthiest fun in some cases, but fun still.

The Thirteenth Squad barracks were no exception to this. Though they never went nearly as overboard as squads eight or eleven, having a lenient captain, they still celebrated far more than say, those of squad six or two.

It was Rukia's very first New Year celebration within the walls of Seretei that year. It was, all in all, what she would describe as a bittersweet sensation.

She sat perched atop a tree just outside her barracks, watching the brilliant display of colorful fireworks. She remembered seeing them on years past, from the other side of the fence. There, they had seemed less bright, somehow. Their hues would pale next to a friend's shocking red hair, and their sounds would dull behind the laughter of a pseudo family of parentless children.

Rukia had thought she loved the fireworks then, and had looked forward to climbing the hill on the outskirts of Inuzuri with her friends each year to watch them. Together, the homeless children had speculated and wondered what it would be like to watch them from inside Seretei.

They had been fools, Rukia thought now.

She watched them now, and indeed they were so close she had to fight off the instinct to flinch away as the crackling sparkles floated down and disappeared in midair. Their colors were dazzling against the clean night sky of the city.

But without the sound of a friend's laughter, or the reassuring warmth of five kids huddled together; it all seemed as dull as withered parchment.

"Kuchiki?"

Rukia blinked herself out her thoughts as an unmistakable voice reached her ears. Distinctly male, loud and annoyed-sounding. It could only belong to one person.

"K-Kaien-dono?" she stammered with surprise as she found him staring up at her from the base of the tree. From the distance, she could make out his face and see him frowning as he squinted to focus on her.

"What the heck are you doing up in a tree?" He billowed from below, uncaring as ever that he was most likely disturbing the peace of any nearby squad members. "And what is it with you and your moods? I can see your melancholic expression from down here!"

She felt the heat rise to her cheeks and knew at once she was blushing. At least for now she could pretend it was only due to the cold, if Kaien could even see it.

"I was just thinking…" Rukia called back, loudly enough that he'd hear, but that her voice wouldn't carry over much further.

She saw the man scoff. "Don't you ever get tired of that?"

_Just because you never do it… _The quick mental retort came to Rukia naturally and was almost out of her mouth before she bit her tongue. She was used to that type of banter with her friends, but even if Kaien was someone she'd come to think of in that way, he was still her superior.

Sometimes, like right then, she wondered fleetingly how things would be if it was different.

"Are you planning on coming down?" Kaien asked after not receiving any reply to his previous comment. "You know the party is inside, right? Kiyone and Sentaro are pretty much gone at this point, but there's still some sober people that would love to cheer you up. Or at least get you to stop '_thinking'_." He said the last word with a scoff, adding imaginary air quotes around the word 'thinking'.

Rukia's face fell slightly. She knew he only meant to make her feel better, but she couldn't help but feel her stomach clench at his words. Even if she were to go back, she knew no one would want her there. Why ruin the celebration for the others?

"So, you're really _not_ coming down?" Kaien asked again, as if making sure of something he already knew. Which, he probably did.

Rukia shrugged lightly, unsure of how to reply. She looked down to see him, but in the blink of an eye, he was gone.

"Kaien-dono?" she asked immediately, alarmed. "Where did-?"

"Right here."

She nearly fell back from the branch she was on as Kaien seemingly materialized out of thin air right beside her, wearing a cocky smirk. She would have fallen, actually, if not for the hand that shot out with remarkably good reflexes and secured a grip on her arm to steady her.

"Whoa, didn't mean to startle you." he said teasingly more than in concern. "You okay, Kuchiki?"

Rukia, very aware of Kaien's warm hand still around her arm, forced herself to nod. "Y-yeah."

At her response, Kaien rolled his eyes and dropped his hold. Rukia regretfully missed it the instant it was gone, but kept quiet.

"Always stammering." Kaien muttered, his face twisting into a scowl as he reached up to scratch the back of his head. "It's like you're scared all the time. Which doesn't really make sense."

Her mind turning away from the warmth of his hand and back to the conversation, Rukia frowned. "What do you mean, Kaien-dono?"

"Well, I know you're not a scaredy cat." he started, his gaze turned forward unto the horizon and the display of fireworks. "I've seen you in battle. You're a force to be reckoned with when you want. And you have one hell of a glare, you know that?" He turned to look at her, grinning mirthfully. "I don't know if it's Captain Kuchiki that rubbed off on you, but you could probably scare some of the eleventh division guys off if you wanted to."

Rukia felt her cheeks flush yet again, and she turned her face away to hide it. "What does that have to do with anything?" she asked, and no sooner were the words out of her mouth, did she feel a wide open palm connect with the back of her head. "Ow!"

"I was getting to the point! Geesh!" Kaien complained, almost childishly. "I was going to say, that I just don't get you, Kuchiki Rukia."

She felt an involuntary flutter in her stomach at the sound of her name -her _given _name- on his lips. Swallowing heavily and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear nervously, she did her best to steady her voice before speaking again. "There's not really much to get, Kaien-dono."

A moment passed before… "Ow!" Rukia rubbed the back of her head for the second time that night.

"That right there is your problem." Kaien stated. "You don't give yourself enough credit. "I mean seriously, Kuchiki, you have the worst case of inferiority complex I've ever seen."

"I'm sorry-"

"Don't apologize, stupid!" A vein ticked visibly on his forehead and, before Rukia knew it, he flicked her forehead.

She rubbed at the spot but knew better than to complain further at that point.

"I know what you need though." Kaien went on, and Rukia was wary as soon as she saw the smirk start to pull at his lips. "Kuchiki, you need a man."

However many shades of red existed, Rukia's face probably went through them all in that instant. Her mouth went open and she gaped at her vice captain incredulously. "K-Kaien-dono! That's not-"

"I'm serious!" He interrupted her, completely ignoring her flustered state. "Come on, don't be shy now. A guy is exactly what you need. Someone to make you feel like a woman, you know what I mean?"

"No, and I don't think I want to…" Rukia mumbled, embarrassed enough.

"Yeah you do!" Kaien shot back. "It's like this." He started making gestures with his hands. "A man and a woman get together, and they-"

"Stop!" Rukia blurted out, her ears growing hot. "I don't want to hear-"

"When they're alone-" Kaien went on as if he didn't hear her. Rukia covered her ears with her hands and closed her eyes so she wouldn't see his rather vivid gestures. "-like that. Birds and the bees, Kuchiki. The birds and the bees."

"Please stop, Kaien-dono…" she all but begged, thinking that if her face got any redder she might be confused for an apple in the tree from below.

Kaien paused this time, taking a moment to study her flustered expression. His dark eyebrows knitted together and he leaned towards her for a closer look; Rukia tried to ignore the increased closeness.

"Hey Kuchiki, let me ask you something…"

Dread started filling Rukia even before he uttered the question. She looked sideways at Kaien without answering, but knowing he'd take her silence as permission anyway.

"Have you ever kissed anyone?"

If she had been drinking anything, Rukia was almost a hundred percent sure that she would have spurted it all out in that moment.

"I- wha- you- did I- _what?" _she all but screeched, her tongue tripping all over itself.

"You heard me," Kaien said simply, not taking his eyes off her. "Come on, yes or no. Have you _kissed_ anyone?"

Rukia opened her mouth, closed it, then opened it again. But before she could say anything, Kaien spoke again.

"And I mean_ real_ kissing. Not a kiss on the cheek, or anything stupid like that. I mean full on, lip to lip, tongue on-"

"Agh!" Rukia winced at his choice of terminology. "Well, I…"

Kaien quirked an eyebrow and watched her closely. "Now don't lie to me Kuchiki. You're a terrible liar."

She tore her gaze away from him and looked down at her lap, feeling her heart beat erratically in her chest as she clenched and unclenched her hands over the fabric of her shihakusho. "I… haven't." she admitted at last.

Kaien blinked a couple of times, then shook his head disbelievingly. "_Really?" _he sounded honestly shocked. "As in, never? Not even a little bit?"

What he could mean by 'a little bit' Rukia did not know, but it made her frown deepen. "No, not at all." she said plainly. "I've never…kissed…anyone."

"I'll be damned." Kaien finally exhaled. Then without warning, he patted a heavy hand against Rukia's shoulder. "That's too bad, you're really missing out, Kuchiki."

She gave a small shrug in response, keeping her gaze away as she spoke. "You can't miss what you never had."

Her voice sounded small to her own ears, and even though the statement was meant to be nonchalant, it came off as something closer to…sad. She wasn't sure why. She usually never thought about such things, never cared for them either. She'd grown up in a place where shelter was nearly impossible to come by, and food was a luxury. Having friends alone had been a rare treasure; there had never been any room for a young girl to long for something as evanescent as romance.

And yet…

She turned to look sideways, where she felt Kaien's eyes fixed on her. The teal irises reflected the multicolored light of the fireworks, and while the surface showed some lingering surprise, within their depths there was some other emotion that Rukia couldn't quite decipher.

"…Kaien-dono?" she called his name hesitantly, reaching up to touch the hand that was still on her shoulder experimentally, as if checking whether he was awake or not.

Then he blinked, and that mysterious emotion disappeared from within his eyes like he had shaken himself out of a dream. "Heh, well that's no way to live. Everyone should at least _know_ what a kiss feels like, at least once in their lives."

"I don't think-" Rukia started, but was cut off as, without warning, Kaien lifted his hand off her shoulder only to place it on the side of her face.

"Come on, Kuchiki." He spoke whilst making eye contact, his face suddenly seeming too close. "You can't honestly tell me you don't get curious."

"I-I d-don't-" she stuttered hopelessly, frozen on the spot by his playful eyes.

"It's not that big of a deal, really." he went on calmly, his face inching closer to hers with every word.

"K-Kaien-dono…" Rukia squeaked, trying to lean away from his fast-approaching form but finding she didn't have much room to maneuver in on the tree's branch.

Kaien smirked. "Don't be shy now, Kuchiki."

With that, his eyelids drooped until he had closed his eyes, and he leaned forward just as Rukia's heart began to pound against her chest like a frightened hummingbird's. All she could see then were his full, slightly parted lips, inching towards hers decidedly. They would inevitably meet in a matter of seconds…

She reacted on impulse.

"Aagh!"

Immediately following the scream, a dull thud was all that was heard as two bodies collided into the snow-covered ground beneath the tree.

Rukia grunted from the pain of the impact, but otherwise noted vaguely that she did not feel the cold from the snow she should have landed on. Opening her eyes, she realized that was because she had not, in fact, landed on the ground, but on a certain, disgruntled-looking vice captain.

"Goddammit…" he cursed, wincing as he started to move. "That was totally uncalled for."

Rukia felt herself flush, her pulse still pounding agitatedly in her ears. "That was completely inappropriate, Kaien-dono!" she said, in an attempt to defend her actions. Really, what else could she have done in the heat of the moment but brutally shove him away? So she hadn't taken into account their perilous position on a narrow tree branch, it wasn't really her fault… Right?

With another groan of pain, Kaien lifted himself up on his elbows and looked at her. "I wasn't really gonna kiss you, ya' know. I was just having fun with you. You need to lighten up, jeez!"

"Well how was I supposed to know?" she mumbled sullenly under her breath, looking away stubbornly.

Neither said anything then, and silence reigned for a few, seemingly long seconds before…

"You can get off me now, you know." Kaien said, and it was only then that Rukia realized the compromising position that they were in.

Her cheeks flamed as she scrambled to climb off of him, muttering rushed apologies as she did. Beyond her own slightly hysteric voice, she heard a sound that made her fall quiet.

Kaien laughed.

The sound of Kaien's laughter, Rukia had thought before, was like the sun parting the rain clouds. It was warm, and reassuring; she felt like all the horrors of the world, of her past, did not exist when she heard him laugh freely, like he did now.

She hadn't realized she was staring until Kaien's laugh faded into a simple, warm smile. They were both sitting up on the snow now, and she noticed that she hadn't managed to put much distance between them when she climbed off him; in fact, his legs were sprawled at either side of her, and when he straightened up off his elbows and into a normal sitting position, she realized that he was close enough that she could feel the warmth radiating from his body, melting away the winter chill.

"Hey Kuchiki," he spoke in a soft, husky voice.

Rukia looked up to meet his eyes; she didn't have time to react before she felt a pair of warm, surprisingly soft lips pressed against her cheek.

He pulled away before she had a chance to do anything more than gasp in surprise at his action. When he did, his teal eyes twinkling and he wore a boyish smile. The fireworks had stopped at that point, but the soft milky light of the Moon was still enough to illuminate his unmistakably handsome features.

"There." he said. "It's not much, but it'll have to do while you find some fellow brave enough to give you the real thing." Then he reached up and ruffled her hair, chuckling. "Try not to shove him off any high places, though. Might be a bit of a turn off."

"Ha ha." Rukia slapped his hand off, blushing further at his teasing remarks.

With that, Kaien started to get back to his feet, all but shoving his hand in her face to help her up before she could refuse. After both were on their feet, he didn't immediately relinquish the hold on her hand.

"Kuchiki," he started, looking down at her with rare, solemn eyes. Rukia watched him expectantly. "Whatever guy gets to kiss you, he'll be one lucky man."

"Kaien-dono…" she breathed out his name, feeling her heart rate increase at the sight of his sincere eyes.

The dark-haired vice captain winked then, saying, "Just make sure to tell me if he ever gets out of line. I'll remind him of his boundaries."

Rukia shook her head. "You don't need to be taking care of me all my life, Kaien-dono."

He blinked at that, like he was honestly surprised by her words. "Of course I do. I'm your vice captain, and your friend. I'll always protect you."

That's what did it. Those words, said so calmly and logically that it he made it sound like it really was the most obvious truth in the world, tucked at something within her chest, something that she hadn't truly known existed until just then…

That was the moment she realized that she loved him.

Whether as a friend, a brother, or something else, she didn't know. The only thing she was sure of, was that she loved that man.

"And don't even think that'll change if you run away to another division." Kaien went on, unaware of her inner revelation. "You can't get rid of me that easy."

Rukia smiled then. A true, genuine smile that she hadn't shown in too long.

"I wouldn't dream of it, Kaien-dono."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I always loved KaiRuki (not as much as IchiRuki of course, but that's just an unfair standard xD) but this is the first time I've written it...The original idea was for them to actually kiss, but this is what came out instead... I think it's more in character this way at any rate, so I like it better.**

**Hope it was an enjoyable read =) Peace out ;)**


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